Tuesday, May 16, 2006

First Things First

The first thing you need to know about me is simple: I'm an asshole.


I am frequently selfish, proud and arrogant. I tend to think I am better than other people. (I know, though, that I'm not. I just like to pretend.) I can get damn impatient, too.

In my stupidity and asshole-ness I messed up my first marriage, inflicting terrible pain on my ex-wife, my young son and everyone else I trampled along the way. That "everyone else" includes a very good friend and colleague. You see, I had an affair with his wife. Oh yes, I'm an asshole.

And what did I get as a result? How was I punished by those I loved and by the Fates? I received only minor consequences. I escaped with a small amount of emotional turmoil. And, of course, the knowledge--and I remember it each and every day--that I am an asshole.

Despite everything, my ex-wife has treated me with kindness and forgiveness. Likewise, my friend never displayed an ounce of anger towards me, even though I know he felt it. Even today, we remain on good terms and can laugh and joke together. I wasn't financially hurt by the divorce. My ex felt from the beginning that joint custody of our son was the best for him, and she never used terms of the divorce to get revenge.

On top of all that, I soon--much sooner than I thought I wanted--found love again. I am now married to a wonderful woman who brought two great daughters into my life. My ex-wife lives with a relative in a two-bedroom apartment. I have a home and a loving family to surround me. It's not fair. I'm an asshole.

I guess guilt is a consequence, right?


Blogger Inaya said...

You probably aren't an asshole if you're guilty, you would be if you wouldn't feel guilty at all ;)

Keep writing!

10:02 AM  

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