Thursday, November 30, 2006

I Saw Daddy Having Coffee with Santa Claus

There is a fellow citizen of my town that a lot of people call “Santa Claus.” He is about 6’5” and relatively thin, but has white hair and a long, thick beard. Most people would call him crazy.

I find our Santa rather interesting. He and I bump into one another every now and again. Sometimes I’ll see him at the coffee shop, or he’ll be wandering by my office. I’m not always in the mood to talk with him, because, frankly, it takes some emotional energy to keep up.

Normally, SC is a friendly person, though I have seen him get agitated. And if you sit and talk with him a while, if you can immerse yourself in his worldview, then you can begin to understand the world he lives in. In many ways, his world is more interesting than ours is. And, whenever we finish speaking, I go away with the feeling that I have spent time with a friend.

My favorite SC story is his explanation about how sausages are produced without killing the hogs. Sausage hogs, you see, are raised in Oklahoma. When they have grown big and fat, they are shipped to Texas. In Texas--apparently using highly secretive technology--the hogs are subjected to a super-diet. The weight they lose is transformed into sausages, leaving behind living hogs, which are only a fraction of their former weight. The hogs are then shipped back to Oklahoma, and the process is repeated.

SC is very concerned about Outer Space. He believes that Outer Space is our nemesis, but fortunately, we have been clever enough to confuse them with letters, meaning the components of the alphabet, the ABCs. He loves letters. SC frequently takes the letters of a word, such as “tree” (and trees are among his favorites, too) and will determine which words go with the letters of the original word. Tree, therefore, can stand for “technology realizes earth’s expectations.” Simple, isn’t it?

Today, SC shared some new knowledge with me. He figured out that the moon protects the earth from Outer Space. There is some sort of moon sphere that surrounds the earth, and whenever Outer Space transgresses that sphere, there is a signal from within the earth or from the military, that causes the sun to send out a protective ray or blast in the direction of the transgressor. That made me feel much more at ease!

There is one particular earthly community that is in league with Outer Space. They are the Outer Space’s spies. They are birds! (You pigeon-haters out there should be pleased with that!) The birds are always talking about SC. They are always following him. They are always planning mischief.

Our Santa Claus certainly isn’t an elf, but he can be jolly. I’m glad he’s around.


Blogger mariamaria said...

Hi, you know, sometimes it's hard to tell the fey and the mystics from the crazies...I never assume I can peg anyone! You never know.

9:41 AM  

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