Thursday, February 22, 2007

At Least It Isn't a Mullet

So I got my hair cut yesterday.

When I go to the sterile chain hair salon where all the ladies look like they are on Death Row, I get my hair cut so short it looks as if the Marines are about ready to take me in. Then I can put off getting my hair cut for an ungodly amount of time until I look like the lost member of the Grateful Dead. I do this for two reasons: I am cheap, and I am lazy.

My wife always warns me ahead of time, “Don’t let them cut it too short.” I say “yes, dear” and then go out and tell Prison Lady to chop it all off.

I arrived home and asked my wife how it looked. “It’s long in the front and short in the back.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

I essentially ignored this comment because 1) I don’t really care what my hair looks like and 2) my wife is always exaggerating about things like that. But this morning, after my shower, I was combing my hair, and guess what? My hair is Alice Cooper in the front and Drill Sergeant in the back. I look like one of those half man, half woman carnival freaks, except I’m split front-to-back.

Is this my worst haircut ever? Probably not, but it’s close. (I quite literally had the bowl cut from Mom several times when I was a kid.) There was one time when the lady cut one of my sideburns short and not the other. That wasn’t good. I had to cut the long sideburn myself at home, had to keep evening it out until I had only a Mohawk left.

Have you ever had any bad haircuts?

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10 Comments:

Blogger little miss mel said...

5th grade. I had shoulder length hair and no bangs. I said I wanted it as short as it could go in the same style and add bangs. What I got was a short layered look all over. All my blond was cut off too. I truly think Brian broke up with me because of it. I was mortified and looked like a boy.

1:13 PM  
Blogger LVGurl said...

Ages 4 - 13 was a continuous cycle of bad haircuts.

I'm trying to envision Tapatio man with the reverse mullet.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Eileen Dover said...

Any haircut where I had short bangs.

Bad.

I love the long on top, short on back look, though.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

mel--just goes to show how shallow that Brian was. Good thing you didn't marry him! (You didn't, did you?)

lv--yeah, Tapatio man looks really cool with that cut. I'm considering adding the gigantic sombrero.

dover--my head has been tilting forward all day from the extra weight.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Sizzle said...

it doesn't sound that bad but i would need photographic evidence to really decide.

i've had plenty of bad cuts but the one that stands out the most is when i had dyed my hair red (orange, really) and then got talked into getting a perm. my almost-shoulder length hair went up into a bob and i looked like an effen poodle. i asked for big loose curls and came out looking like carrot top.

and i had to go to my father's funeral looking like that!

lesson learned: never do anything to your hair in time of crisis.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Bre said...

The same person has cut my hair since I was born... 80% of the time it's great.

20% of the time he doesn't listen to a word that I say and I hate it!

I vote you pull a Brit-Brit and shave it all off!

4:55 PM  
Blogger SWF41 said...

I live in the land of mulletts! On both men and women. And not even butch women.

It's so sad.

I remember some really bad haircuts. I don't look good in hats, so I was stuck with 'em, too.

Sucks.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Love Monkey said...

yeah, there were all bad, but the worse hair disaster was the time a I had a violet head. That thing glowed, I tell ya. I resisted going out until the sun went down.

2:41 PM  
Anonymous xboxgirl said...

I cut my own hair(I've only twice,in my life,so far, had my hair cut in a hair salon,at age 7 and 8) ,so if it is bad I only have my self to blame.

5:44 PM  
Blogger speedwobble said...

Two incidents spring to mind.

When I was six, I played 'hairdresser' with the neighbour kid. I snipped the air around her head. She hacked off most of my hair.

Last year, I was backpacking in Morocco. My waist-length hair was driving me nuts, because the hostels I was staying in didn't typically have hot running water, and I wouldn't stay in the freezing showers long enough to bother with conditioner.

I handed a pair of scissors to a teenager in my dorm and told her to have fun. It wound up being shorter than shoulder length, with crooked bangs, and out by 4 inches from right to left. I believe the professional term is 'asymmetrical'. I was stuck with it until I got back to Canada, 5 months later...

10:34 AM  

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