Friday, March 16, 2007

I Think She Wants an Excuse to Kill Me

This morning, my wife was getting herself ready for a job interview (yea!). She asked me the only question with a higher Chaos Rating than "What do you think of this outfit?" on the Freudenberger Scale for Questions to Get Your Husband in Big Trouble.

She said, "How old do you think I look?"

I am sure she could see the confusion and fear in my eyes. My head began to spin. I clutched the bathroom counter for support.

I know very well, of course, that the number I gave in answer the very first time--because there are no second chances with a question like that--needed to be significantly less than her current age, but not too small, or my wife would think that I were merely humoring her. I also knew that I had less than 10 seconds to answer, or my wife would accuse me of fabricating an answer. (In the same way, when the wife says "Why do you love me?" then the husband had better rattle off a dozen excellent reasons within eight seconds or face full spousal wrath.)

So I said, tentatively, "30?" I looked at her for the signs of an eruption. Sweat beaded on my forehead and dripped into my coffee.

Waiting...

"So I look a lot younger than I am." There was no trace of irony, and she seemed genuinely pleased. I had dodged a bullet!

Then she asked, "What do you think of this outfit?"

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7 Comments:

Blogger Eileen Dover said...

And...

What did you think of the outfit?

11:30 AM  
Blogger little miss mel said...

nice answer.
cool. calm. collected.
or
at least you pulled it off that way.

12:29 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

dover--the outfit was hot, but in an "appropriate for a job interview" way

mel--thank you; I try.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Love Monkey said...

Wow. I was really starting to worry for a minute there. You are a brave, brave man to wander into such dangerous terriorty without a weapon (to use on yourself should you deliver the wrong answer.)

7:13 AM  
Blogger Bre said...

I must admit that I've done these things to boys before just to watch them squirm!

8:40 AM  
Blogger Sizzle said...

too. many. questions!

aack!

:)

9:55 AM  
Blogger Eileen Dover said...

I hope that was your answer...

2:39 PM  

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