Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Reasons Why I Feel Inadequate

Everywhere I go, I compare myself to people around me. And usually, unless I am visiting my brother at Happy Day House for Paranoid Schizophrenics Whose Brains Are Destroyed from Years of Heavy Drug Use, I compare poorly. The same is true when I read your blogs.

Here are some reasons for my feelings of inadequacy, in no particular order...

  1. Mel still holds to that beautifully naive belief that children are gifts from God and should not be wiped from the face of the earth (or at least my house).
  2. Everybody loves Neil. That's why it is so galling that my penis has never said so much as a single word in its nearly 40 years of existence.
  3. Not only does Sizzle seem like a genuinely kind and caring person, she has actual c-a-t-s (take that Blogger ads) in her actual apartment. Oh how my soul would rejoice if I could have some in my house.
  4. Jason has the greatest blog title in the world. Space Monkey Pants is to Long Relief what filet mignon is to baloney. How cool is that? Space. Monkey. Pants.
  5. LVGurl lives in Vegas. Need I say more? She probably dines with Elvis impersonators every day. And she has Tapatio brand salsa picante in her house!
  6. Eileen Dover has a wonderfully exotic accent. That's what happens when you're an Aussie. I'd really love to visit Austin, Texas some day. Any tips for this tourist, Dover?
  7. Have you ever noticed my masthead? I thought not. Dooce is the Queen of All Mastheads. I am so jealous.
  8. And then there's SWF41. She killed her brother with an axe! Okay, she didn't kill him, and it was a hatchet, but still, that woman has got balls.
  9. Bre lives in the land of perpetual ice, snow and minus eight degree temperatures. That is just not fair to those of us who live in harsh places where the sun shines 360 days a year, and the mercury never drops below 62. Have you no shame, Bre?
  10. The Love Monkey (no relation to Space Monkey Pants) is just straight up funny. I aspire to be just like her when I reach her venerable age--83 I think.

And there's more, of course. So much more.

(To be continued.)

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Blogger SWF41 said...

The best thing about my hatchet story is that it will forever live in infamy. My brother has a shaved head, and whenever anyone comments on his scar, he's happy to tell them "That's where my sister hit me in the head with the hatchet." People I don't even know, know me as 'the hatchet sister.'

I am famous.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Bre said...

If you can figure out a way to ship me some sunshine, I'd be more than happy to hack a block of ice off of my outside steps and send it to you in the mail!

1:49 PM  
Blogger brandy said...

That was perfect. I relate. Excellent blog names and the masthead, the masthead! It takes me forever to decide if I'm going to bold something and yet she whips up new clever and beautiful mastheads each month. I lack the skillz.

1:58 PM  
Anonymous xboxgirl said...

Well,[at least]of all the other blogs you listed, I like yours more.

5:25 PM  
Blogger little miss mel said...

Wow, now YOU are the one making me look cleancut. Wait till you see my dark mommy side, woooahhahhahhaha.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Eileen Dover said...

How do you know I have an accent?

7:00 PM  
Blogger Eileen Dover said...

Never mind.

I think I told you I did.

7:00 PM  
Blogger Sizzle said...

hey lefty?

my cats send their love.

;) sizz

8:41 PM  
Blogger LVGurl said...

Dude, I totally dine with Elvi on a regular basis. Next time you're in Vegas, you're welcome to join us. The good Elvi make mid-six figures, by the way...

Thanks for the shout out :)

10:30 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

bre--I put the sunshine in the mail today; it should arrive the first part of July.

xbox--aww, that's sweet; thanks!

mel--now you've scared me.

LV--sounds like I need a new career.

10:59 AM  

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