Friday, July 20, 2007

Toast, Marijuana and Narcolepsy

Taken from the headlines of my life:

DO-GOODER ARRESTED IN STING
Main Street--Like the civic-minded dork that I am, I pick up trash when I’m walking around town. Even if 50 dopes will simply dump more for every single piece I pick up, I feel like I’m doing something positive for this city.

A few days ago, I picked up a small plastic sandwich bag. Inside were the remains of some fellow citizen’s marijuana. You’ll be pleased to know that I was not arrested for possession. I did, however, have visions of being locked up for carrying around one-ten thousandth of an ounce of pot.

WIFE STRIKES BLOGGER HUSBAND
Bedroom--Last night, Mrs. Lefty awoke and sat up in bed with her feet on the floor. The movement caused me to awaken, and I opened my eyes. Then, inexplicably, she immediately dropped over. She didn’t slump or slouch or plop back on her pillow. She dropped as if dead, and banged her head on my shin. She lay motionless on the bed.

Fortunately, nothing was wrong. Her body simply had not been able to wake up properly, and she dropped (literally) off to sleep while sitting up. But if she had made it to a standing position before the great fall, it could have been bad. Needless to say, Mrs. Lefty takes several kinds of medication right before bed. I might have to start tying her down at bedtime. (Now that could be fun!)

MAN EARNS VICTORY OVER WHOLE WHEAT
Kitchen--I am making progress in the toast wars. About twice a week, I take toast with me on my way out the door in the morning. Approximately half of the time, I drop one or more pieces of toast on the kitchen floor, and according to the laws of physics, the buttered or jellied side lands face down. Today, however, I dropped my toast before I buttered it. Soon, I’ll be able to conquer the world!

Have fun tonight Harry Potty suckers...er, fans.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Bre said...

Why thank you I WILL have fun! :-p

3:29 PM  
Anonymous g-dog said...

Maybe you can install some hospital-style bed rails on Mrs. Lefty's side of the bed to help avoid any accident.

So what's the next step towards world dominaton - dropping the bread before you toast it???

4:05 PM  
Anonymous xboxgirl said...

I'm only half-a-Potter fan/sucker {you won't find me waiting in line, in the middle the night, for the book}. So no fun tonight, or not...

I guess there could be a bit of fun to be had with my 1st edition Harry Potter book #1, if I sold it {since it is supposed to be worth ~$18,000}.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Princess Banter said...

LOL! Just earlier, I dropped my toast after I buttered it. Bugger this life is something!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

bre--let me guess...you dressed up as that one character that does that thing.

g-dog--that's a good idea, but I'm feeling kind of frisky, so I might skip that step and go to dropping the whole loaf while still at the grocery store.


xbox--at least you can get plenty of sleep. (That's important to old guys like me.)

banter--butter side up or down?

12:15 PM  
Blogger Jennifer McK said...

I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the idea of you whipping out the handcuffs for Mrs. Lefty. Have you discussed this with her? Just wonderin'.
(It COULD be fun. I keep telling the Redneck this, but he hasn't bought it yet. Maybe I should try the whole "wake up and slump over" thing.)
I take it that you are a member of the butter side up club. And you know how Dr. Suess ended THAT one don't you? Good luck on your toast wars.

12:24 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

Actually, I know nothing of the butter side up club. Does it end in world domination?

12:43 PM  
Blogger little miss mel said...

Wow, that is so scary about your wife. Glad to know she is ok.

I once showered in my sleep. Didn't know it till my hair smelled like fresh shampoo when I woke up and their was a wet towel by the bathroom door. It might have been from all the beer I drank at bingo the night before. ooops.

8:59 AM  
Blogger g-man said...

Thanks for picking up my weed. Really, I do the same thing, pick up trash, especially if it is on my street.

Tying up can be fun, just remember to have a safe word ;)

I eat when I get to work, after I have had some coffee, otherwise I'd microwave my mouse pad.

11:14 AM  

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