Thursday, July 12, 2007

Finding Lefty

Since I am clearly a slave to the latest fad and fashion, you may wonder why I have not yet done a piece on the wild and crazy search engine terms that bring people to my site. Wonder no more. Today is the day I unveil my first ever "Wacky Search Engine Terms" (cue the peppy jingle) blog entry.

Those who find me through a search engine are largely a group of people with bad hair. They want to know how they can fix bad haircuts. This obviously stems from my personal run-in with a reverse mullet. This is a group that needs a good stylist and some psychological help.

Some of the notables: "my hair looks like a mullet help!"; "haircuts long layered mullets"; "shoulder length mullet hairstyle"; "crooked bangs hair." Actually, I'm not sure that last one has anything to do with haircuts.

Predictably, after the "invisible boobs" piece, the searches became a bit pornier. In fact, "good boobs" is the number one search term. It beat out "invisible boobs" by a mile. You all have one-track minds. Even Frankenstein's monster logged in with "boobs good." Somebody, who wanted to be absolutely sure he (and frankly, it had to be a "he") didn't get substandard boobs, put in "good good boobs."

Here are some other search engine terms with bonus comments free of charge:

"asshole sharp pains"
"harry potter tapatio" (what the hell?)
"mom held me while I peed" (somebody's gonna need therapy)
"how to make pants yourself"
"my wife thinks I am ugly"
"life coach" (you've come to the right place)
"jobless unemployed and suicidal" (don't forget "ugly")
"why american league sucks" (isn't it obvious?)
"my computer monitor smells bad feces" (don't think that's your monitor, buddy)
"gooey cat poop"
"please lick my monkey" (no, please lick MY monkey)
"i'm in love with a sociopath" (so is Mrs. Lefty!)
"he is just phoning it in" (that says it all)

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12 Comments:

Blogger WiscoBlonde said...

Ha! I just did one of these a few days ago! My favorite is "Qatar Hooker" and the search actually came from an ISP in Qatar!

2:53 PM  
Anonymous xboxgirl said...

Ah ha ha hee he heh...over and out.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Lefty said...

wisco--sounds like you could make good money if you moved to Qatar.

xbox--I hope your monitor no longer smells like feces.

4:11 PM  
Anonymous xboxgirl said...

Well if my little laptop monitor ever starts to smell like feces, I too will hope it no longer smells like feces.

Also I'v never found you blog using any of those search engine terms you listed {I did try though}.

9:47 PM  
Blogger Jennifer McK said...

The way I found your blog was a long convoluted process.
I was on a blog that went private, but she emailed me about her NEW blog "I Can't Believe He's Still Single". On there, I was "discovered" by some person who came to snark on my blog. My first response was "Who the hell is this?" LOL.
Following the link to the profile, I found "The Long Relief".
Since then, I've been checking regularly.
I think the first post I read by you was "Invisible Boobs". That was a great introduction, let me tell you.

6:52 AM  
Blogger g-man said...

I wish my host would put back the statistics tool that I was using so I could get search terms. The one I am forced to use sucks.

Funny post, don't want to know about "asshole sharp pain" though. Invisible boobs I'll have to go read!!!

10:42 AM  
Blogger g-man said...

Turns out I already did read that one, go figure.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Jennifer McK said...

P.S. *whispers* I left something for you on my blog today.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

>>"please lick my monkey"
(no, please lick MY monkey)<<

That's awfully presumptuous of BOTH of you. Hmph.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Bre said...

I get a lot of "girls wearing shoes;" "girls love shoes;" "love girls in shoes" and other such creepiness.

7:31 PM  
Blogger little miss mel said...

dude, some of those are just wrong.

the thought of licking anyones monkey is just, ick!

thanks for the visual! :P

9:34 PM  
Blogger Guilty Secret said...

Ha ha such a funny post! Thanks.

4:23 AM  

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