Those who find me through a search engine are largely a group of people with bad hair. They want to know how they can fix bad haircuts. This obviously stems from my personal run-in with a reverse mullet. This is a group that needs a good stylist and some psychological help.
Some of the notables: "my hair looks like a mullet help!"; "haircuts long layered mullets"; "shoulder length mullet hairstyle"; "crooked bangs hair." Actually, I'm not sure that last one has anything to do with haircuts.
Predictably, after the "invisible boobs" piece, the searches became a bit pornier. In fact, "good boobs" is the number one search term. It beat out "invisible boobs" by a mile. You all have one-track minds. Even Frankenstein's monster logged in with "boobs good." Somebody, who wanted to be absolutely sure he (and frankly, it had to be a "he") didn't get substandard boobs, put in "good good boobs."
Here are some other search engine terms with bonus comments free of charge:
"asshole sharp pains"
"harry potter tapatio" (what the hell?)
"mom held me while I peed" (somebody's gonna need therapy)
"how to make pants yourself"
"my wife thinks I am ugly"
"life coach" (you've come to the right place)
"jobless unemployed and suicidal" (don't forget "ugly")
"why american league sucks" (isn't it obvious?)
"my computer monitor smells bad feces" (don't think that's your monitor, buddy)
"gooey cat poop"
"please lick my monkey" (no, please lick MY monkey)
"i'm in love with a sociopath" (so is Mrs. Lefty!)
"he is just phoning it in" (that says it all)