Things Are Going to Start Happening to Me Now

The avalanche of accolades is poised to sweep over me at any moment! Granted, the current avalanche tally is only one solitary snowflake, but you’ve got to start somewhere, eh?

Yes, you guessed it. I have won a major award. And I mean MAJOR.

Tink, over at her blog Pickled Beef, displaying her excellent taste and superb intelligence, presented me the Thinking Blogger Award. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Please, that’s enough applause. Really, that’s fine. Please...

First of all, I’d like to thank my beautiful wife, who doesn’t even know this blog exists, ‘cause if she did, she’d kick my butt from here to Nairobi and back for airing all of our dirty laundry in public. And I’d like to thank my secretary, who has given me many reasons to whine and complain, therefore giving me the opportunity to post many a scathing entry. Thank you to Al Gore for inventing the Internet and giving me--and so many other deserving bloggers--this opportunity. And finally, thank you to Tink and the Academy. I am both honored and humbled.

Now, about the loot. Tink gave this important award to five bloggers on her post "Skull Shaped Blog", so that means that of the estimated 1.8 billion bloggers in the world, I rank in the top five. That is quite an achievement, don’t you think?

Due to the impressive nature of this prize, I naturally assume there is a monetary award, as well. This has got to be as big as the Nobel Prize, so I figure I must be getting at least $1.5 million out of the deal. I am expecting Tink’s check in the next month or so. Of course, I’ll give some to charity. The rest I’ll either invest in petroleum jelly futures or spend on beer. (And I think we all know which way that’s gonna go.) Plus, then there are all the great endorsement deals. Looks like SOME blogger isn’t going to be a working stiff anymore!

And now, the best part of the deal--I get to award five more lucky bloggers. Now that I have won this thing, I know you have a lot to live up to, but I’m sure you’ll do just fine, all of you.

First up, and no surprise, is Sizzle at Sizzle Says for her excellent coverage of the 2000 Presidential election.

Next, Eileen Dover at eileendover.com for her groundbreaking piece "Ten Ways to Shag a Sheep." Great work, Dover.

The third winner is Bre at Win or Lose, We Go Shopping! She wins for her description of the health benefits of bathing in a tub of champagne.

The Retropolitan Presents: Tales to Astonish! is the fourth winner. Retro wins for his ten week series "A Short History of the Stuff Growing on My Feet."

Finally, congratulations to Love Monkey at I Guess This Is It. The Monkey wins for her photojournalism piece "Up Close and Personal with My Duodenum". The blogging world doesn’t really want to know how you got such great pictures, Monkey.

To those of you who are winners, please stop by here to pick up your award and receive further instructions.